Fairytale Land
by Princess-of-Your-Doom95
Summary: Cartman wakes up in a strange place and is told he must go save a princess to restore the land to peace. Not his favorite thing to do. Weird things are afoot. Rated T for South Park. Somewhat like Legend of Zelda, but with a South Park twist
1. The Beginning

**Hey, people of Earth and other planets! What's up? I'm just here posting (yet another) story...yeah I know, I should really work on ones I've already started. *guilty face* But I couldn't help myself this time, I just randomly starting writing when I was supposed to be working on homework. **

**Anyways, it wasn't until my awesome beta-reader, Phantom Nini, said something that I realized that this story sounds like Legend of Zelda! I never meant for it too! But thats what happened, so let's roll with it ;)**

**DISCLAIMER - **

**Kyle:** "All characters and events in this story – even those based on real people – are entirely fictional."  
><strong>Stan:<strong> "All characters are impersonated...poorly. The following fanfiction contains coarse language and due to its content, it should not be viewed by anyone."  
><strong>Kenny:<strong> "The author does not, nor shall she ever, own South Park or any of it's citizens. She also doesn't own anything related to Legend of Zelda."  
><strong>Cartman:<strong> "This fanfiction is made merely for the enjoyment of the reader…because who would honestly pay to read this?"  
><strong>Alex: <strong>"While favoriting and following this story is welcome, reviews are awesome and greatly appreciated. Reviews with questions or tips on how to improve the story are always the best."  
><strong>Damien<strong>: "Any flamers or trolls shall be thrown in the fiery pits of Hell and will be strung up by their toes and have their eyeballs devoured by harpies."

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 1 - The Beginning<strong>_

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><p>Cartman slowly opened his eyes and groaned. His head was killing him. "What the fuck happened last night?" He asked himself as he pressed a hand to his forehead. He couldn't remember much from the night before. All he seriously could remember was a crowded room, blaring music, a redhead with someone that had raven black hair, and the feeling of pure anger. He also remembered storming from the crowded room, but he didn't know where he had gone.<p>

Cartman slowly got to his feet and his head began to pound even more furiously. "Fuck! It fucking hurts!" Cartman cursed as he grabbed a hold of his head in an attempt to smother down the pain. His head was throbbing violently as if he had been hit upside the head with something hard.

"Are you alright, fair stranger?" A tiny voice asked.

Cartman looked around and suddenly noticed that he was somewhere he didn't recognize. "The fuck? Where the hell am I?" He demanded as the pain began to subside.

"You are in Fairytale Land," the tiny voice came again.

Cartman looked around wildly for the speaker but found nobody there. "Who the hell are you? Where am I?" He demanded as he balled his fists.

Suddenly a flash of red appeared right in front of Cartman's face, blinding him momentarily. When he could finally see again, he still saw a red ball of light before him. Squinting, Cartman managed to see that it wasn't light, but a small person floating in front of him. A fairy girl.

"Bebe? Is that you?" Cartman asked as he examined the floating person. It certainly look like Bebe, except for the clothes and body posture. This person had on a red and yellow dress that looked like it was made out of flower petals. She also had on a small tiara with a tiny red gem in it. Her posture screamed confidence and authority, unlike it's normal slutty shoe-loving bitchiness.

The fairy giggled. "It is true, stranger. My name is Bebe, queen of the fairy people. Do tell me, who are you large stranger? And how do you know my name?"

Cartman growled. "I'll ignore the large comment because you're so damn tiny," he muttered. "And don't act like you don't know me, Bebe."

The fairy queen flew over and landed directly on Cartman's nose. "I can assure you that I have no clue who you are, I have never seen you before in this part of Fairytale Land," she said as she fluttered her red and gold fairy wings slowly, making Cartman's nose begin to twitch.

"So is this place like Imagination Land? Or is it even gayer?" Cartman asked as he resisted all urges to sneeze. He considered smacking the fairy off of his nose but decided against it.

"This is absolutely nothing like Imagination Land, nor is it gayer. In fact, Imagination Land is just a pitiful copy of our beautiful home." The fairy said angrily, her wings flapping like crazy.

Cartman inhaled sharply before sneezing and sending Bebe flying backwards onto a daisy. Bebe sat up slowly, looking dazed at what had happened. "Sorry," Cartman muttered. "So if this place is supposedly better than Imagination Land, why is it all dark and gloomy around this place?" Cartman asks as he looks around him.

He was in a large field, covered in daisies and wild flowers. In the distance to the west, he could see a dark castle. To the north, there was the makings of a forest. To the south and the east, there was only water and some cliffs. The whole area around the field was dark with scary clouds.

Bebe floated off of the daisy and got right in Cartman's face. Cartman held up his hand, and Bebe sank down onto his palm. "Fairytale Land was once a very happy and beautiful place," Bebe said. "But that all changed when the beloved King Gerald died a few weeks ago."

"What happened after he died?" Cartman asked.

"His second wife, Queen Sheila, took over the kingdom," Bebe explained.

"Well what's so special about this dead king's hoe?" Cartman demanded.

"Well, she used dark magic to ruin the happiness and beauty this land possessed," Bebe said as she hung her head in sadness.

Cartman sat down on the lush grass and picked a blade. "So why is this field so-"

"If you say gay, I will kick your fat ass with my fairy foot," Bebe interrupted.

Cartman smirked. "Whatever you say. So why isn't this place gloomy like the rest of this land?" He asked the tiny fairy queen.

"Fairy Meadows is still a cheerful place because it is the fairies' magic that keeps it alive. Queen Sheila doesn't control this part of Fairytale Land." Bebe explained as she soared around the meadow.

"So this Sheila is a total bitch, huh?" Cartman asked.

"Yes, the only reason she is even queen is because she had her henchmen lock the princess in a secret tower." Bebe growled in anger.

"Well if you know what she did, why don't you go save this princess?" Cartman asked.

Bebe hung her blonde head in shame. "We fairies are the princess's best friends, but we are tiny in size. We would be no match to save her, but legends say that a hero with the mark upon his palm shall save the princess from her awful fate and bring her back to power, saving Fairytale Land and all its creatures."

"What kind of mark would that be?" Cartman asked as Bebe sat back down on his palm.

"Like the one here upon your palm," Bebe said absentmindedly as she stared at her shining shoes. Bebe's eyes widened when she realized what she had uttered. She stared at Cartman's palm before freaking out. "The mark! You have the mark of the hero from the legend!" She squeaked.

Cartman looked at the 'mark' that had sent the fairy into a tizzy. "What? You mean the scar from when Stan's homo dog bit me?" He asked.

"Yes! Legends say that the marking will be pale and shaped like the crescent moon, given to him from a battle with a beast!" Bebe squealed excitedly. "You are the savior of our fair princess!"

"Ok, get the sand out of your vagina and calm down." Cartman said crossly. "I'm not doing anything or saving anyone until I know why I'm here and what's in it for me."

Bebe paused in thought for a minute. "Alright," she said slowly. "I'll take you to the only person who knows the full legend as well as other worldly magic. Perhaps there we can tell you what you wish to know."

"Alright, take me to them." Cartman said, getting off the ground.

Bebe floated over to a daisy. "The journey will take a long time, at least four days, and you are not properly prepared," she said.

"Well I don't have anything with me, and it's not like I can go to my house for supplies," Cartman snapped.

Unfazed by his attitude, Bebe decided to offer him some help. "Let my people help you, we can give you food and water for the journey."

Cartman looked around. "I don't see any other fairy people," he commented. "Where are they?"

Bebe soared to Cartman's eye level and began to sing and dash around the field, going from flower to flower.

_~Fairy citizens of this land,  
>Lend this stranger a helping hand.<br>Let's help him on this noble quest,  
>And hope he does his very best.~<em>

One by one, the flowers opened and sparkling balls of different colored light came floating out. Cartman was shocked at all the fairies in the field. "This is so gay," he muttered to himself as the fairy people gathered around him to listen to their queen, who was now perched on his shoulder.

"My people," Bebe began as she beamed at her fairies, "this is a great day for the entire kingdom of Fairytale Land. The long awaited hero has come to save our dear friend, the princess."

"Ay! I didn't say I would-"

"But this hero requires assistance for his journey to the Wise One," Bebe interrupted, ignoring Cartman's outburst. "Should we help him, this hero shall rectify the evil Sheila's imprecation on our poor homeland."

"What the hell does 'rectify' and 'imprecation' mean?" Cartman muttered, almost wishing that Kyle was here to tell him but not really.

"'Rectify' means to correct, and 'imprecation' means a curse." A little blue fairy whispered in Cartman's ear.

Cartman turned to look at the blue fairy closely before bursting into laughter. "Butters? You're a fairy? That's so gay! I always knew you would turn out to be a fairy boy!"

"Hero!" Bebe snapped as she went over to Butters and put an arm around him. "Please be kinder to my people; we don't have to help you."

"Stop calling me 'hero,'" Cartman snapped back. "My name is Eric T. Cartman."

"My apologies, Eric. I forgot my manners to acquire your name," Bebe said apologetically.

"Whatever," Cartman muttered.

A dozen fairies came up behind Cartman, all helping to carry a large backpack. "Here you go, hero!" one tiny fairy called out.

Cartman took the backpack in his hands. "Thanks," he said as he began shifting through the contents. He found some fruits, vegetables, and a weird looking object. Cartman pulled it out and looked at it. "What is this?" he asked.

Butters landed on the bridge of Cartman's nose. "That is your canteen. It was made from the stomach of a deer that has been long dead." He explained.

"Gross!" Cartman exclaimed as he dropped it.

"I assure you that it was cleaned at least ten times to be safe, and the water doesn't taste any different," Butters said as he nervously knocked his knuckles together.

"I don't care! I'm not drinking from that!" Cartman exclaimed.

"Then you will die of thirst," Bebe said somewhat coldly as she watched some fairies put the deer stomach back in Cartman's backpack. "It is time to begin your journey, while the day is still young."

Cartman put the backpack on and faced the fairy queen. "So where the hell am I supposed to go?" He demanded.

"You must head to the east towards the waterside cliffs. It is there that you will find a series of caves. In one of these caves, you will find the Wise One." Bebe said.

"And how am I supposed to know if I'm going in the right direction?" Cartman asked.

Bebe sighed. "If I send a fairy to go with you, will that make you shut up and save the princess?" she asked in frustration.

"I guess," Cartman said with a smirk.

"Butters?" Bebe asked, turning towards said blue fairy.

Butters trembled nervously. "Yes, my queen?"

"Will you be so kind as to go with the hero?" She asked kindly.

Cartman groaned. "I don't want Butters to go with me!" He pouted, "Can't I have someone cooler?"

"Do you want a companion or not?" Bebe demanded. "It's Butters or nobody at all."

"Fine," Cartman sighed. "Let's get going, Butters."

"Oh, geez. Well, oh hamburgers, h-here we g-go," Butters stuttered as he followed after Cartman.

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><p><strong>Well, as the title says this is the beginning of the adventure ;P<strong>

**A big thanks to my beta-reader, Phantom Nini! Hopefully she can make sure I keep up with this story and update reguraly :)**

**I have no clue where this will go...so please be patient with me. Also it won't be exactly like Legend of Zelda, it will have it's own weird twist. It's South Park after all, weird things happen. So feel free to favorite, follow, and most importantly review! Please review! Reviews are like my drug and I can never get enough ;P**


	2. Lizzy's Playground

**Hi readers, sorry for the late update...things have been sucky for me lately. My computer (which is almost as old as I am) decided to die on me. (I just figured out we got a new one today) My mother pulled me from my school play because she didn't agree with the content (still mega upset about that). And I'm really behind on school work. But despite all of that, I'm still writing and posting. :)**

**Thank you to Phantom Nini, who not only is my beta-reader, but my first review as well. I hope I get more reviews the more into the story we go. So let's get this chapter going :D**

**DISCLAIMER - **

**Kyle:** "All characters and events in this story – even those based on real people – are entirely fictional."  
><strong>Stan:<strong> "All characters are impersonated...poorly. The following fanfiction contains coarse language and due to its content, it should not be viewed by anyone."  
><strong>Kenny:<strong> "The author does not, nor shall she ever, own South Park or any of it's citizens. She also doesn't own anything related to Legend of Zelda."  
><strong>Cartman:<strong> "This fanfiction is made merely for the enjoyment of the reader…because who would honestly pay to read this?"  
><strong>Alex: <strong>"While favoriting and following this story is welcome, reviews are awesome and greatly appreciated. Reviews with questions or tips on how to improve the story are always the best."  
><strong>Damien<strong>: "Any flamers or trolls shall be thrown in the fiery pits of Hell and will be strung up by their toes and have their eyeballs devoured by harpies."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 2 - Lizzy's Playground<strong>_

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><p>So Cartman and Butters began heading in the direction of the caves by the waters. They walked for many long hours before finally growing too weary to walk or, in Butters' case, fly.<p>

"I can't go on!" Cartman cried out as he fell to the ground.

"But we've only been walking for twenty minutes," Butters said. Cartman growled from his position on the ground and Butters shrank back in fear. "W-we won't m-make it t-t-to the Wise One in time i-if we don't g-get going," he said timidly.

Cartman looked at the fairy crossly. "Well, I never asked to have to go on a journey with a whiny fairy to go save some bitch princess for a bunch of other fucking fairies," the fat kid snapped.

"N-now you watch y-your mouth," Butters stuttered." The princess is a good friend, really nice, not to mention very pretty."

"I still say she's a bitch." Cartman muttered as he stood up. "How much longer?"

"Well if we start walking again and don't stop, it will be…four days." Butters said as he settled onto Cartman's shoulder.

"What!" Cartman exclaimed.

"I-I'm sorry, Eric," Butters whimpered. "It's not like there is a shortcut."

"What about that sign that says 'shortcut'?" Cartman asked as he pointed to a rotting sign near the entrance of a scary looking forest.

Butters looked over at the woods and saw a bunch of bats fly from the tree tops. A wolf's howling pierced the air and a suspicious looking fog began oozing from between the tall dark trees with branches like fingers waiting to capture you.

"Let's n-not go t-t-that way," the fairy suggested as he grabbed a hold of Cartman's shirt. Cartman began walking towards the creepy woods. "Eric! What are you doing?" Butters shrieked in the larger person's ear.

Cartman swatted at the fairy. "Shut up. I'm not going to walk for four days because you were scared of a couple trees."

Cartman began walking on the path and Butters whimpered when they passed the first set of trees. "I don't like this place," the fairy pouted as he gripped Cartman's shirt tighter.

"Shut up, Butters." Cartman replied, "Wait…wasn't the woods to the north?"

"Yes, why?"

"God fucking damnit!" Cartman shouted. "We are going the wrong way!"

"Well, w-what s-should we d-do now?" Butters asked.

Cartman turned around and began walking back the way he had come in, but he shortly found that it was blocked off by a big thorn bush that hadn't been there before. "Butters? What do people call these woods?" Cartman asked as he examined the thorny barrier.

"Lizzy's Cursed Playground."

Cartman looked at the fairy as if he had grown a second head. "Why do they call it that?" he asked.

Suddenly, a high pitch insane laughter was heard. Cartman slowly turned to see a little girl standing in front of him. The girl looked no older than eight, she had on a torn and ruined purple dress, and had mud and dirt on her pale cheeks. She had no shoes on, a pair of tattered purple ribbons holding up her tangled and matted pigtails of raven black hair. She looked up at Cartman with wild looking blue eyes.

"Um…hello," Cartman said nervously. The little girl just smiled wickedly. "What's your name?"

The girl giggled madly. "Elizabeth, but my mommy used to call me Lizzy," she said sweetly. "What's your name?"

"I'm Eric. Eric Cartman," Cartman replied, still nervous about this situation.

"Lizzy laughed again, her laughter causing Cartman's heart to skip a beat. "Do you want to play with me, Eric?" Lizzy asked when her laughter subsided.

"I would love to play with you, but I need to be somewhere." Immediately Cartman regretted his words, because Lizzy's eyes turned red, and she clenched her hands into fists.

"But. I. Want. To. Play!" Lizzy screamed as she stomped a foot on the ground. The power behind her scream sent Cartman and Butters flying backwards into the thorn bush.

"Oh, hamburgers! We're gonna die!" Butters yelped.

Cartman tore himself from the thorn bush. "I'm not dying because of an eight year old's bitch fit!" he said through clenched teeth as he ignored the pain in his back. Cartman watch the angry child as she began stomping closer.

"You will play with me, Eric!" Lizzy screamed. Cartman dodged the sound waves and took off running, Lizzy giving chase.

"Wait for me!" Butters yelped as he flew quickly to catch up.

Cartman kept running, ignoring the sharp pain that was beginning to grow in his sides. He looked behind him to see the demon child slowly gaining on him. "Butters! I need a distraction!" the fat teen shouted.

"What do you want me to do?" Butters asked.

"Anything!"

"Oh, geez. What should I do?" Butters asked himself out-loud as he flew above the duo and watched them. Suddenly, Butters spied something and got an idea. "That might just work," he said to himself.

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><p>Cartman kept running as best he could, but, sadly, that wasn't very well. His breathing was rapid and his sides and chest felt like they were on fire.<p>

"Why are you running, Eric? Don't you want to play?" Lizzy called out as she continued to get closer to Cartman.

"No! I don't…want to play…with a…psycho bitch!" Cartman shouted. Cartman heard something crash from behind him. He turned to see Butters floating over an unconscious Lizzy, an apple a few feet away from them. "You've…got…to be…kidding…me…" Cartman managed to say as he gasped for breath.

Butters beamed at his accomplishment. "Was that a good distraction, Eric?"

"Yeah, perfect," Cartman grumbled. "Let's get out of here before she wakes up," Cartman muttered as he picked up the apple. He began examining the fruit carefully as he and Butters left Lizzy alone. "I can't believe that thing was defeated with an apple." Cartman said.

"Well, I had to charm it to be heavy enough to distract her," Butters commented as he rested on top of Cartman's hat.

"Charm it?"

"Yeah, I used my magic…well it would be easier to just show you," Butters said. Butters flew over the apple and shook some sparkling dusk on top of it. The apple grew heavier in Cartman's hand.

"Interesting," Cartman commented as he threw the apple into the trees. "Now how the hell do we get out of these woods?"

"I d-don't know…we w-were always t-told to avoid the woods."

"Great! Just fucking great!" Cartman bellowed. "I'm lost in a fucking maze with a clueless fairy! To make matters worse, there is a psycho demon bitch that wants to possibly kill me! How can this get any worse?" Cartman demanded, his face turning red in anger.

Immediately after shouting that dreaded sentence, an insane laugh was heard. "Oh, Eric! Come out, come out wherever you are!" Lizzy's voice rang out sweetly. "I'm ready to play!"

"Shit!" Cartman swore before grabbing Butters tightly in his fist. Cartman began running down a path. "I live in South Park! Why would I say that sentence?" Cartman asked himself out loud.

"What sentence?" Butters asked as he struggled out of Cartman's life-killing grip.

Cartman glared at the fairy. "I'm not stupid enough to say it again!" He snapped at the smaller being.

Butters frowned up at Cartman. "No need to snap," he muttered. "It's not my fault we are in this mess, I told you not to go in the woods."

"You never mentioned the fact it was inhabited by a DEMON!"

"I didn't know! I've never been in here! But, I shouldn't ha- Eric! Look out!" Butters screamed. But his warning was too late; Cartman had run right off a sudden cliff while he had been looking over his shoulder for the child.

Both the fairy and human fell into a dark abyss while screaming their heads off.

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><p><strong>so...I have no idea how this happened. I don't plan this out, I merely have an idea and am going for it. I know what I want to happen, but not how I'm getting there. So I hope you enjoy the experience like I am.<strong>

**I'm really hoping that you readers will review, even if you don't (which I hope you will) I will continue to post because I'm interested in this, and so are my friends at school :)**

**So tell me what you think. And I will try to get the next chapter up ASAP.**


	3. Letter to the Reader

**Dear Readers,**

**I am so terribly sorry, but I need to put all stories on pause until further notice. A close family member of mine passed away early this morning, and I need to devote my time to my family. I don't know when I will update or post more stories…**

**Please forgive me, because I love you readers very much and it pains me to do this, but my family needs me right now.**

**Sincerely,**

**Princess-of-Your-Doom95**


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